Kicking the Jealousy Habit

Are you too jealous? Are you constantly checking up on your partner? Are you calling, texting, and/or emailing several times a day to be sure they’re where they say they are? Has your jealousy ruined relationships in the past? Do you feel insecure, worried, or angry much of the time? If so, it’s time to kick the jealousy habit once and for all!

Realize where your jealousy stems from.

If your partner hasn’t given you any real reason to not trust him/her and you know it’s simply due to your past, be gentle with yourself. Jealousy is simply learned behavior and you can deprogram yourself over time. If you grew up with toxic parents or have been in other dysfunctional relationships, jealousy and other negative emotions probably feel normal to you. As humans we’re creatures of habit and always more comfortable with what we already know, even if it isn’t healthy.

Stop jealousy in its tracks.

Every time the voice of jealousy starts whispering in your ear, telling you everything you fear most, say “stop!” either in your mind or out loud then counter every negative thought with a positive one. Say for example your partner is out with his friends. Jealousy will no doubt pop to the surface insisting that he’s cheating on you. You start feeling worried, scared, and angry. Before you pick up the phone to confront him, take a deep breath and tell yourself that he’s not cheating. Fill your mind with positive things your partner has done in the past to show he/she cares about you.

Be a lovable person.

Jealousy makes us feel insecure, and it will do all it can to be certain you feel as insecure as possible as often as possible. Instead of spending so much time thinking about how or when your partner will cheat on you or leave you, relax and be the best person you can be. Think about it, he/she would be crazy to have an affair or leave such a wonderful person! However, jealousy is pure poison and will eventually kill off any relationship.

Expect good things and get good things.

You attract into your life the type of energy you give out. If you’re constantly sending out negative thoughts, words, and actions, it’s a natural law of the universe that you’ll get that right back! Instead, know that you deserve happiness and start living the life of a happy person. Expect good things to come to you and offer good in return—it will come back in equal portions!

Take control and responsibility.

Jealousy is a red flag letting you and anyone close to you know that you have no control over your emotions and that you expect everyone else to make you feel secure. As of this moment, decide to be the one in charge of your own happiness. You are the one choosing your thoughts and your behavior. Nobody can “make” you feel badly without you allowing it.

Work on yourself—inside and out.

Many times we feel jealous and insecure because we’re focusing so much on the other person when we truly need to work on ourselves. Maybe you have too much time on your hands and need a job, a hobby, or to volunteer. Perhaps you’ve been putting off exercising or eating healthy and have gained weight. The better you feel about yourself, the less you’ll worry about your partner leaving or cheating.

Unlearning jealousy isn’t easy, but it’s important to living a happy life and being in healthy relationships. You can change if you want to, so start now!

Welcome!

For those who dare to love again…and again…

Hemlock and Hemlines is the place to come when you've been burned or spurned, when you've been the dumper or dumpee, when you're tired of losers and want to find—and keep!—true love once and for all.

A Word of Caution

This blog isn’t for the faint hearted or easily offended!

Let's face it, love hurts, love can be dirty and downright mean, love can rip your heart out by its very arteries and laugh while you lay there bleeding. I've been there and so have you.

As a professional life and relationship counselor for the past 10+ years I noticed that people had a lot to say on the messy subjects of love, dating, and relationships, but there was really no official place to vent, rant, wonder, wish, learn, and grow. So although you may find everything on here from “how to know if a guy is really interested” and what we'd do if we got Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt alone in the same room, it's all in good fun. Ultimately, I want this to be a place to help us release those pent-up emotions, learn and grow, so we can move on to a happier place and not cut the brake lines on our ex's car.

Welcome again to Hemlock and Hemlines. I hope you enjoy your visit here and I urge you to send in your experiences!

Yes! Send me your true life stories of love-gone-wrong, those embarrassing moments, or even sickeningly sweet true tales of romance; your articles related to women's wants, needs, wonders, and desires; your questions about love, life, and everything in between! I want to hear from you! Contact me at: WordSpiller@ymail.com

Kelly

“Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.”
Mae West